If it swims we should eat it.

Sustainability.

It’s all the craze nowadays. From René Redzepi Noma where he’s famed for forging for food around forest nearby so he can get the weirdest and sometimes most delicious stuff. To Raymond Blanc who has his OWN GARDEN OF VEGETABLES! Every chef now does not just want the best. They want the best, but next door.

No longer is it “cool” to have Alaskan king crab in European kitchens, because it has travelled too long and has consumed or produced too much poisoned dioxide. Now they want stuff locally made by locals for the locals.

Funny then, that in Asia this trend is not picking up steam. I was at the Sukhothai hotel recently and it said “Authentic Thai Inspired Cuisine Cooked by The Best Thai Chefs”. Underneath it said
"Using New Zealand and US mussels." Hmmmm. I wondered to myself to be fairly intelligent. I read all the Harry Potter books, I don’t believe in the newspapers and I still think Elvis is alive smoking a J (joint) with Tupac. Bar from the severe dyslexia, I would say I’m above average in smartness.

With my intelligence I am not wrong in saying that Thailand is one of the largest exporters of seafood in the world. Having lived here for what seems to be 100 years, (15 to be precise) I have sampled some of the best seafood around. WHY THE HELL THEN are we importing from New Zealand!

If you drive anywhere from Bangkok to eat, every bloody country’s seafood or meat is represented but our own. US scallops, Alaskan crab, NZ mussels and Maine lobster. It’s a minimum 10 hour flight to the closest one of these places!!! Phuket is a 9 hour car ride! It infuriates me when we go to these fancy places, and these chefs are making all this great food and they use everything that’s not Thai. The global movement is pushing for chefs to source locally; if you think it’s bad, adapt your recipe and find alternatives. Noma has a dish made with ants for gods sake!!! 

For those of you who want to see some thing amazing check out COOK IT RAW! René Redzepi is the star of this movement but just YouTube cook it raw hosted by Anthony Bourdain. This is where the world is heading. This will show you what REAL chefs are doing in the world of culinary. 

I understand if we were living in the Sahara desert and you just can’t find stuff. But in saying that, there is a chef called Magnus Nilsson who literally lives and cooks in a snowed in town in Sweden and he only uses stuff he can grow in the summer and stores it in a cave. THAT’S COMMITMENT! That’s talent. 

Hope however is not all lost. There is a beautiful establishment at the back of Sukhumvit Soi 24. Many of us have been going since we were kids. Reservations mean nothing, it’s packed every day. Even on Valentines day. Yes, this blogger took his date to Son Thong. 

Why is it so good? Well, they use the best THAI ingredients, and prepare everything in the freshest and cleanest possible way. 

 

 Fried noodles with crab meat and spring onion. 

THEY USE FRESH crab meat. Not from the can! The flavours are very Chinese. A great filler if the seafood is not enough.Very simple and delicious. 

On the left - Pepper crab. On the Right - Grilled tiger prawns 

The crab is dusted with some sort of flour before frying. Its absorbs the flavour beautifully. The fresh prawns are just divine. If there was ever an exhibition for fresh Thai food this was it. Honestly it's better than any Maine lobster flown in. Sweet and suclulant meat. HUGE in size. With a dash of spicy seafood sauce. Any valentine will be ready to go after this. 

 Grilled squid. 

As you know from previous posts, a squid that I keep blabbering on about is very tough to cook. Grilling it is just ridiculous because it's always over cooked and burnt or so raw you feel like throwing up. This was brilliant!! Soft and succulent; you could eat this and drink beer forever. They use a little cumin to kill off some of the smell of the squid and gives it a robust flavour.

Salt backed THAI sea-bass

This is an age old technique of cooking. The salt preserves all the natural juices and makes it extra juicy and soft. I had this dish once at the Oriental Hotel in Bangkok  It cost me (well, my dad) a kidney and was under seasoned. This had lemongrass and kaffir lime shoved in the guts of the fish to perfume the meat! NOW THIS IS A MUST TRY dish. The complex flavours and beauty of fresh fish is just intoxicating. 

After all said and done, local is good. It helps the local economy, it preserves the age of tradition and trade. It's fresher and tastes better. More people should be looking at what's around them than just simply watching Jamie's 15mins meals on TV and going to buy all this expensive nonsense that you don't really need. 

This place is a hidden treasure. People will be sitting with diamonds the size of mountain on their ears just to sample the fresh and simple flavours. GO and support them! Next time some idiot tries to sell you NZ mussels tell him to shove it.

5 Star Brilliance

Five Star Brilliance.

FATTIES

“Sheraton Grande, Italian, 7pm?” Those words were chilling to my ears. Another 5 star escapade. I couldn’t handle it. How could I go back to another Italian restaurant

 in a 5 star hotel. People will start thinking I only visit places I know are bad so I can make fun of them. I mean it's like when you’re a kid and you get hit for doing something wrong, only a monkey will keeping doing the same thing to get hit again and again.

So naturally I said, “SURE! I'll be there”

In Bangkok recently; where you eat has become more prestigious than what you eat. People say I had dinner at ‘Hyatt, 4 Seasons and St Regis.’ You could be serving donkey ass with poop still inside (most of the time I wish they did instead of the rubbish they put on the plate). Yet people love it!! Places are packed with punters having a blast eating rubbish. People are tagging, hash tagging, instagramming, checking in and out at these places like no tomorrow. THIS HAS TO STOP! 
You are encouraging a bad habit. What we are doing in essence is saying , ‘Hey charge us however much you want, make us mediocre food and we will still eat because you’re in a great establishment’.  NO ONE WILL IMPROVE! It’s like encouraging kids to watch porn, not go to school and eat chocolate all day (day in the life of a food blogger). BAD very BAD.

So could Sheraton prove me wrong? Could they still have pride in what they put on the plate? Is this the place that will have all the 5 star food as majestic and beautiful as the hotel it's in. 

Let's see.

Upon sitting down I glanced at the menu. I was incredibly sceptical. Like a lion stalking his prey, I was ready to tear this place to shreds. But then, something happened. Alfredo Russo happened (wonderful Italian Chef). Looking at the menu I realised that the dishes here are signatures of Alfredos (yes we're on a first name basis now) underneath the dishes were dolcestilnovo, giving credit to this great Italian establishment. Not many people do this anymore. 
Marco Pierre White used to do it at Harvey's in London. He would write the names of the Chefs that inspired him for a particular dish underneath the dishes name. If memory serves me correct, it was Pierre Koffmann’s pig trotter dish that he put “pig trotter made by Koffmann or something along those lines.

So 10 points so far.

We ordered a round of appetisers to share. Now I’m all for world peace and curing world hunger, however sharing food is not on my list of things to do. I’m an eater. I eat A LOT. I’m never full, always hungry and always the person to go ‘no one wants the last piece? OH, I'll have it!’. 

Amuse-bush or cured ham, Sun-dried tomatoes, fresh basil, a fresh ball of mozzarella and a dash of olive oil. 

This is Italy on a plate. Eating all of this at once, you can remember your favorite pizza, your first bolognese sauce, basically the first time you entered an Italian restaurant. Perfect start to the meal. Whilst eating every component I found a refined freshness. Simple and clean flavorous. High end ingredients done with finess. I was excited. 

Look at this! Top quality ham and salami with melons and pickled vegetables. This dish though is not really the mark of a chef. More the mark of a cute sales lady who knew how to sell her products. But none of this was the cheap stuff. The fat from the ham was still on my fingers (for those of you who are idiots and think eating with you hands is barbaric, Ferran Adria eats his ham with his fingers, then with the fat still on his finger tips he dabs his finger tips on his lips, waits a few seconds then licks his lips. The true taste of Iberico or any top end ham is when you taste the fat at body temperature according to the master. SO HAH!!!)  

Ravioli stuffed with Duck Confit in cream sauce. 

Now, after my recent experience with pasta in a 5 start Italian restaurant I was asking for trouble ordering this. Ravilois have to be made in house. There is no other way to enjoy them. Possibly one of the most diffuclt arts to master is to get the pasta thin enough to hold the filling. Too thick and all you taste is pasta or too thin the filling comes flying out. "They are little silk pouches holding bundles of flavours", our chefs in cooking school used to tell us. This I dare say, is a perfect example of a perfect ravioli.  If you're an aspiring cook, chef, maid or work at Spasso Bangkok. Come here and eat this! PLEASE! You will understand the importance of fresh pasta and properly seasoned filling. 

This was for the beautiful lady to my left. Known only as the 'cookie monster' for her uncontrolable urges to consumes massive amounts of cookies and sweets, with a mild case of dessert tourettes (when she just feels like will shout out things like 'OH Chocolate! or' Berries I love berries'). Not really the ideal dinner date but food bloggers can't be choosy. This was a fish on a bed of cream potatos garnished with olives. The fish was cooked very well. Everything came together and well, just lacked a little bit of salt. Great textures and combination of flavours. But hey! compared to other palces this was a 1000% improvement. 

This was for the old man (a young youthful individual that lost his way in the world of business and exercise, gave up drinking. And is now miserable). The dish looks beautiful, very vibrant and rich. Flavours were all there. Could use a little more on the garnish side (with seafood main courses, you need to pack in some more carbs or something filling as the seafood is usually every light). 

 Rost pork with sauté mushrooms and mashed potato.

 WOW! The pork was juicy and scrumptious. The skin is beautifully crisp and roasted to perfection. The mushrooms were nice and earthy. They complimented the rather one dimensional flavour of the pork. Mushrooms done right is great with pork. Gives you an earthy and rich flavour. The mash was interesting, usually puree de pommes

is creamy, fatty and buttery. That's how the French do it, and well they are always right. This pommes puree however just showcased the potato. A refershing change. Thicker and more starchy but rather delicious.

What an experience. This place has renewed my faith in 5 star hotels and their eateries. Sad thing is it was pretty quiet. Maybe they need to add some hookers in their lounge area? I don't know. 

I strongly recommend you to have a go. Their pastas look the part and taste even better. Some of the dishes do lack some salt, but hey ask for some and sprinkle it your self. If MK can be an awesome cooking experience so can seasoning some fish in a 5 Star Restaurant. 

Spelling and Grammar.

Recently I started a page on Facebook because I wanted to broaden my reading audience. Actually I just wanted to sit there everyday counting my likes. Nothing does better for the ego. I have 40. Which is like when a girl up zips you pants and says, ' is that it?' Just disappointing. COME ONE people!

To help you love me and understand me more, some morons have taken it upon themselves to make fun of the fact this blog is riddled with mistakes. Not in the awesomeness of the content or the beauty of the pictures, not even the raw and adulterated content.

They don't like that I can't spell and my grammer is bad. Well I'm dyslexic. Yup! A blogging dyslexic (for the uneducated and poeple who like to redicule the helpless please read: dyslexia)Very stupid I know. Imagine how hard it is for me! I read something 10 times and still spell restaurant like this: restaraunte!

But hey! blind people have become great piano players, deaf people made great music. I SHALL BE A GREAT BLOGGER DAM IT!

Thanks for all the support

Like my page: foodies and fatties So I feel special.

Lunching

Our Neck of the Woods 

FATTIES

Lunch is always a precarious meal. You never have enough time; restaurants rarely give you their best. See for a restaurant they give you what they can't sell or a tease of what they want you to order for dinner. That’s why you can go to any top-end place and get a set lunch under 500-600Bth (about 30 dollars a head) but try and go for dinner and your appetizers or salads will cost that much.

I always eat my lunch out, yes I own my own restaurant and yes I am a certified cook (I never say I am a chef because Marco Pierre White and Alan Ducass are chefs, and lets face it. Very few people can even wipe their bums let alone lace their shoes). But hey, I’m lazy and I work in the center of the city. So I have access to the best of the best within a 10min walk or a 10min motorbike ride (that’s how we roll in BKK)

I am always disappointed because usually the lunch menus are so small and so obviously last night's garbage so I end up coming back to my humble coffee shop and drink pints of Indian tea to kill the taste and fill me up. This day was nothing different. I have a lunch buddy. His name is BOO BOO. Younger than me, he shares my passion for food, free time and laziness. I use him because well he is the cutest human being you will ever meet and he drives a beautiful Mercedes.

I hadn't seen Boo Boo for some time, he was off gallivanting the world hanging with royalty, aristocrats and just about every cool person you and I just read and dream about. So we set of to a posh Japanese restaurant which usually cost 100-200 Dollars a head minimum. Surprisingly it was only 400bth!!!!! (12 bucks give or take who's messing with the exchange rate)

And the food was surprisingly as bad as the price tag. Boo Boo was not impressed. He relies on me for restaurant advice. He needs me. I had let him down. I am not in the business of letting people down. See Boo Boo needs to entertain lots of important people; he calls me, I tell him where to go, they get impressed, he buys another Mercedes. This is how it works. I had to do something. So I told him lets find a better place for coffee. He said yes, but inside I knew... he was not happy.

Nestled behind Soi 22 is possibly one of Bangkok's best kept secrets. The lady tells us it has been open for 2 years, HOW this place is not pack to the rafters is unbelievable.  Gastro 1/6

There are art exhibitions going on constantly inside this magical place. Check out this board. 

We get to the counter to order our coffee. They do proper coffee here. Double espressos, flat whites etc. Any place that offers you a double shot of coffee is a winner. The lady is charming and nice. She tells us we must try the French toast and the coffee will be delivered to the table. Surprisingly she only accepts cash, always a sign of tax evasion in the restaurant world, but hey we will let it slide.

 Look at this baby. 2 shot flat white. Keeping you wired for hours!!! Look at the cup!! None of this porcelain/ bone China crap. You can crab up with all your might. A proper coffee mug. The way coffee was meant to be had.

This is just art on a plate. French toast with organic honey from Thailand and the best fruits of this season. The bread is not Farmhouse. It's thick soft white bread, lightly coated in a batter of eggs and milk and fried to perfection. There’s some caramelized bananas inside for you to find, like a hidden treasure. This place does every little thing brilliantly. No fancy cinnamon sugar. No whole wheat bread with imported honey. Just the basics done right. The colours as vibrant and fresh as the flavors.

The menu looks perfect for brunch or a quiet coffee. This is a place you take someone special. You find each other, you come back with your kids. If Alice had her wonderland, then this, this place is mine! 

Food and restaurants should take a leaf from this garden and learn that over-complicating and opulence will never beat simplicity and humility. 

DID I mention they have free wifi!!!!! And you don’t have to ask 10 waiters, who will pronounce the password wrong and when you connect it disconnects within a second.  When you come in there’s a cute porcelain chicken with the password on its chest. Simple. Elegant and efficient. 

Brilliant! Just brilliant. Boo Boo was happy, I was happy! 

The Steak House

El Gaucho

FATTIES 

This steak house is an institution. It's a place where you think you are in a Scorsese movie. Gangsters, politicians and important people hang out in steak houses. It's a macho thing. You do business in a steak house. It's not a place for ladies to have lunch or girls to have their 16th birthday parties. It is serious stuff. 

A good steak house doesn't buy pre-cut nonsense. They age their own beef. Food is simple and elegant. It must have an extensive wine list, not of wines that you can't afford, but rather wines perfectly priced so you consume more then one bottle. 

The service is key. A good steak house is one where the waiters know what your wife likes for her pudding and what your girlfriend's favorite wine is. They know how to charm you as well as leave you alone. 

So with my criteria in hand, I was off to visit El Gaucho, in Sukhumvit Soi 19. Before I go any further, I used to eat beef. Well, that was an understatement. I used to eat COWS! Herds and herds of them. I liked it so much I used to moo in my sleep.

THEN one day, through years of guilt tripping voodoo and mind control, my grandmother with all her powers tricked/convinced me that not eating beef would be my ticket to happiness (I have been a miserable C&*% ever since). So I did. I stopped.

"Make a vow, stop eating beef, and the vow will come true."- she said.

Damn this was easy. I stupidly did not ask for Heidi Klum to be my girlfriend in an open relationship with other delectable ladies, nor did I ask to be wealthier than the entire Middle East. The small insignificant thing I asked for... came bloody true. Torn by the fear that I might lose my little insignificant thing and my grannies constant threat of 'if you eat beef now you will DIE!' I have stopped. Every day watching as people enjoy juicy steaks and I eat, well... nothing really compares does it? 

So I may not be the best judge of a good steak house. But don't worry, I took a carnivore with me. A man similar to me in size, and with a moderately distinguished palate. Known only as the DON. The DON was in town, doing DON like things and wanted a good manly meal. Where better to take Bangkok's news kid on the chopping block. 

Now in Thailand, most steak houses have "US Prime Matsusaka Marble 45736890 Angus" written beside their steaks. No one knows what the hell it means, most of the waiters can't even pronounce most of the words and when asked what they recommend, they usually look at the most expensive thing on the menu and point to lobster. 

So suprised then when I walked into this place, and found that the waiters were from the Philippines and the head captains were from Argentina (This is taking it a little far bringing in REAL Argentinians to add to the atmosphere). Their English was superb, and service was excellent. They gave us a nice counter style seat on a long table and we ordered. DON foolishly asked for a recommendation as I was prepared to go into fits of laughter, the guys said, "Rib eye sir, it's aged just right for this time. It's the dish our chef likes cooking best."

WHAT! That's not the most expensive.

"Chef likes cooking this the best." IF ever there was a line to help you make up your mind. It's this one. It's like when a woman says I would like to be on top, you lay down and enjoy the ride. No questions, no qualms and definitely not gonna have second thoughts. 

We ordered a few appetizers but first came the bread:

Beautifully warm and crispy with a cloud-like texture inside. It looked and tasted freshly baked and I would like to think that it was done by a true professional (You always judge a restaurant by its bread). 

The massive penis looking thing is an Argentinian sausage made with pork. This is why I say steak houses are not meant for women or the weak-hearted. When this dish came I was a little taken aback, not because I couldn't compare to it in size, but why didn't they just cut it into bite size pieces. The sausages was very nicely spiced. A bit too dry for my liking, but it was all meat. None of this 60% pure meat bull you get with other stuff. This was the real deal.

On to the right is an empanada. A traditionally South American dish, which is like an Indian samosa. This is the best empanada I have ever eaten. I have been to Argentina and Chile and this one is just delicious. Simple flavours, beautiful pastry. Crispy and yummie. It was elegance. I was a little worried about the plating though. Same salad on the penis as well as the empanada. 0 for creativity.

I painfully ordered lamb chops. Medium or 'rose' as they say in French. With 2 side dishes.

You can see my lamb, looks well, like lamb. When I touched it I knew it was over cooked so I was already in a bad mood. 

BUT look at that steak in the background! Pink and juicy. I had a touch with my fingers and I think I got goose bumps. The garnishes were nice. Mushrooms were cooked and seasoned well. The spinach was done very well. It looks like a lot of cream in the picture, but it was just right. 

My lamb, was well, over cooked. But hey, I'm also the moron who came to a steak house to eat lamb. I think however this was not the chef's fault. The meat is brought to you in heated trays, though a good idea to warm up meat that has been rested (trick to cooking any kind of meat is after its cooked you let it rest. This is so the juices will stay in and the meat relaxes from its taxing time in the oven. Cooking 101 people), this also means the meat will continue cooking. The beef was beautifully done. The DON has his meat medium rare, and it was spot on. 

Overall I think this is a wonderful place. I didn't want to leave. The staff were nice. The drinks were perfect. Nothing fancy. A real man's place. Good red wine, awesome beer selection and a few whiskeys for the pretentious. A very nice atmosphere and great produce. The prices seem a little high, but you will not even look at the bill after your meal. A good combination of a perfect steak house. 

I will be going back again. The DON. Well, don't be surprised if he buys the place. 

Biryani Diaries

Biryani Diaries 

FOODIE!

Now, for all you who were wondering, I am Indian. With a Malaysian passport. Living in Thailand.

Now that that's cleared up, I have to mention one thing. I HATE Indian food. This is not because I am some pompous, spoilt and an ungrateful kid that hates his ethnicity because it’s not 'cool'.

I mean come on; my gods are elephants and are BLUE! You can’t beat that.

I'm as Indian as it comes. I negotiate whenever possible and even when not possible I try anyway. I do have BO when I don’t use deodorant I have a perpetual belly that even with HOURS in the gym just does go away (I don't even know what a gym is). I have more hair then a mountain gorilla, and similar features in general.

But sadly, the food has never agreed with me. Like some sort of virus it makes my insides turn to liquid, and my best friend for days becomes my butt spray (a small spray used to clean toilets, which we use to clean our bottoms).

Also, I have always been a fan of clean flavours, fresh ingredients and simple cooking. My grandfather always took me to the best Chinese eateries in town. We were fortunate to always live in areas where local fresh produce was available, but this was what we found at our door step. My dad is the biggest foodie I know, so we always were at the market picking up fresh seafood and meats and just doing them simply.

My mum who will kick Gordon Ramsy 14 Michelin stars any day of the week always made an extensive array of food. Indian, but simple, not rich curries that sat in your stomach for days. She is the best chef EVER. Her food was light, aromatic yet went down like jello. I am a pompous, arrogant spoilt foodie today because of her brilliance. THANKS MUM!

So as I grew older and could make my own food choices and demands, I never liked Indian food. The spices hid any essence of flavour. The curries were just well, HOT. Distinguishing what was what was almost impossible when it’s all mixed together in your hands. Vegetables were brown rather than green, every ounce of chlorophyll destroyed by the cooking technique of just hours and hours over the stove.

There is one dish however that makes me smile! It is the KING of Indian food. The cherry on the cake, the dish that when you mention its name to any brown person it just makes people go mmmmmmmmmm and transport them back to that time when they had... The Perfect Biryani.

I am somewhat of a Biryani connoisseur as I have eaten some of the best from all around the world.

I've eaten at traditional Indian Muslim Biryani at a famous businessman's wedding in India (Indian Muslims are famed for biryani as this was a dish brought in by the Moguls). Malaysia also has its fair share of places, but they are dying out, because becoming a gangster and cutting people is far cooler then carrying on family tradition.

So I was told to go to Kolkata to find the best briyani. As Bengal was famed for biryani, I had the pleasure of attending one of Cal's (cool way to say Kolkata) famed restaurateur’s son’s wedding, and there it was. A giant pot of rice cooked over slow fire with spices and heavenly lamb pieces at the bottom. As you can imagine the food selection at this wedding party was not to be messed with. Most hotel buffets didn't have this kind of spread. There was mouth-watering food everywhere. But only a line for THIS one dish.

A sweaty Indian man laboured away serving plate after plate, and as particles of sweat dripped into the biryani to adjust the seasoning I was getting excited. If ever there was a food boner I HAD ONE. At that point nothing mattered except tasting this biryani.

"Little rice, lots of meat"- My standard biryani ordering.

Wow was this great. The rice was like running your hands though a beautiful lady's hair. Silky, smooth and every strain just shinning and running through your fingers. The meat.... ahhh the meat. I'm salivating all over the computer just thinking about it. Soft, fragrant and CLEAN! I was shocked. The best biryani was not full of spices and nonsense. Just a true expression of good, clean and high-end produce marriage with some great wholesome flavours to help them along. The lamb was actually goat, which I'm told is actually much better for this dish. The deep red meat was rich in flavour and usually a little tougher then lamb as they are let loose to roam and eat from the land. Yogurt is added to the marination to soften the meat slightly.

The combination of the golden saffron rice and the succulent lamb pieces was well... I'm speechless

As I sit here and look at this photo I can remember every bite.

What a meal. This was no nonsense biryani. SIMPLY THE BEST.
 

 

Or was it....

Bengal did have the best biryani, but Kolkata has a rival.

A juggernaut to the West.

The small, densely populated, politically unstable and patriotic.

Bangladesh.

Begalis are a beautiful people; warm, kind and hospitable. I have the pleasure of befriending some of them. Although my friends are not what you would call the typical Begali citizens they do share the same traits. I was pressured one weekend to go visit them.

Yes, I was going to Dhaka. Where a can of beer was punishable up to 4 years prison term. Where shopping malls and watching the latest movie was a luxury. Every person who went didn't have a single nice thing to say. Comforting, I thought to myself. What the hell am I going to do?

I was told, however that biryani there is legendary. A certain cook has been serving royal weddings to the who’s who of Dhaka’s house parties for years. This. This was worth going for, my life could be taken after a bite of this famous Biryani but WHO cares. The adventure will be worth it.

With everyone in my family and friends panicking and laughing at me going to this third world megacity, which is famed for corruption, riots and all round chaos could stir up at any min, I was off.

Boy, was everyone wrong. Dhaka is a beautiful city. Cleaner than most cities in India. Definitely poor, but it has charm. The architecture is amazing. Although some are rundown, the new buildings can rival many cities around the world. The people are beautiful. Bengalis are just an amazing race, the ones you meet are very educated, their interest is not how cheap you buy a LV bag or who's humping who. They're well versed in politics, art, and literature. They're aware of their surroundings. Political debates are rampart, and business and social lives is tossed around like a softball. Amazing. I was taken aback.

But I was here for one thing. As much as I loved these guys, I wanted my biryani damnit!

But first, we were treated by the queen of all things crustaceans famed lunch. As beautiful as the people are their women. Feisty, powerful and downright beautiful; Bengali women run the country (leaders of both political parties in Bangladesh are women). My awesome friend whose father is in the shrimp business was so sweet to surprise us all by hosting lunch. This in Dhaka was a big deal I am told. As after she announced it, that's all people were talking about. Like heroin addicts knowing they're going to get their next shot, I was amazed. How good can their shrimp really be? I mean Bangladesh surely cannot beat my beloved Thailand when it comes to all matters prawn related.
 

 

 

I must apologize for the lack of photos, but I was incredibly hungover. Moving and speaking was a hassle, so this was the best I could do. Bengalis love their food spicy. That scared me more then Freddy Krueger as a cuddling buddy. I cannot eat spice. A micron of chili will kill me. Literally. Dead.

 

I had to explain this to my beautiful host, and boy did she come through. The dishes were beautifully spiced BUT NO HEAT. I nervously scrambled and ate each bite. Like a solider treading on a mine field I traded carefully. In the back of my mind scared to death that I was gonna stumble on something hot and just fall on the floor having a fit and embarrassing myself. But it never came. Bite after bite I was smiling. The hangover was gone in the distance.

Have I found a cuisine that was ethnically Indian, but just so wonderful to eat?

Indian cuisine tailor made for me.

 

The GIANT prawns looked like some genetic project gone wrong, but in a good way. Huge, soft and sweet. They were like eating pieces of lobsters. So good was this meal that one of the guests almost died. Literally choked on a Jumbo prawn and had to have the Heimlich kicked out of him.

WOW. There was fish as fresh as the ocean. Prawns that made you think you were eating candy.

Perfect meal, you bet your ass it was.

THE BIG DAY:

On our last day, severely hungover slummed in one of my friend’s couches they said we got it. The famed shop that sells biryani to royals, the rich and shameless was sending over 5 packets of goodness. But that wasn't enough. My friend's chef would be making us his version as well. (That's Bengalis for you. You ask for one, they will give you two just so you go home satisfied).

So dehydrated, hungry and sleepy, we anxiously waited for this wonder meal. As the army (no exaggeration the typical Bengali house has roughly 100 people working in it!) of servants scrambled to make sure everything was ready, we sat down. One of our hosts explained all the delectable things that were on offer. In my pure moment of ecstasy I forgot to take any pictures and dug in.

I know. I'm an idiot.

If you saw the pictures you would be booking flights to Dhaka as we speak as well as drooling, dancing and maybe, just maybe, having multiple orgasms.

But hey, maybe I'm doing good for Dhaka tourism board by just describing these dishes so you can go see them for yourself.

The biryani I was surprised was like nothing I have ever seen. Their Biryani was white and light brown. Not golden. There were raisins which sometimes is added.

But Pale?? This is why the Aryan race is boring, white just means nothing. No flavour, no character and no taste.

The rice was sticky, almost like Japanese rice. To tell you the truth I was disappointed. Was this like the emperor’s new clothes, has this man been cheating all these people by claiming white rice and lamb was biryani. How do I tell them? My friends who I thought were educated and intelligent have finally fallen for the greatest con.

Then I ate a bite. A burst of flavour in my mouth. I was almost shocked. Like when you get spanked and you actually enjoy it. This was work of the devil, voodoo or just a great chef. The rice was delicately spiced, the experience is very difficult to put into words. If you ever have Indian food its usually a bombardment of spice and chilies in your mouth. Identifying each flavour is next to impossible. This was not the case here, you could feel the flavours tickling your tongue individually. It was like a drug, you just needed more and more to satisfy the craving. This man was not a con job, he was a genius.

To accompany it was good old farmed chicken. None of this over size rubbish we get in the modern world. Where the chicken is big and tasteless and have more hormones then a 16 year old teenager. This was made in a tomato-based gravy and lightly spiced. The two together was better then having a orgy with 10 Victoria Secret models when Brazilians were in trend. Just fantastic.

In one's life you must experience this. It will bring you a whole new perspective on Indian food. When my Bengali friends told me food in Dhaka was good. They lied.

IT IS BRILLIANT!

Special thanks to all those who made this trip so special. Your hospitality and kindness were second to none.