The Steak House

El Gaucho

FATTIES 

This steak house is an institution. It's a place where you think you are in a Scorsese movie. Gangsters, politicians and important people hang out in steak houses. It's a macho thing. You do business in a steak house. It's not a place for ladies to have lunch or girls to have their 16th birthday parties. It is serious stuff. 

A good steak house doesn't buy pre-cut nonsense. They age their own beef. Food is simple and elegant. It must have an extensive wine list, not of wines that you can't afford, but rather wines perfectly priced so you consume more then one bottle. 

The service is key. A good steak house is one where the waiters know what your wife likes for her pudding and what your girlfriend's favorite wine is. They know how to charm you as well as leave you alone. 

So with my criteria in hand, I was off to visit El Gaucho, in Sukhumvit Soi 19. Before I go any further, I used to eat beef. Well, that was an understatement. I used to eat COWS! Herds and herds of them. I liked it so much I used to moo in my sleep.

THEN one day, through years of guilt tripping voodoo and mind control, my grandmother with all her powers tricked/convinced me that not eating beef would be my ticket to happiness (I have been a miserable C&*% ever since). So I did. I stopped.

"Make a vow, stop eating beef, and the vow will come true."- she said.

Damn this was easy. I stupidly did not ask for Heidi Klum to be my girlfriend in an open relationship with other delectable ladies, nor did I ask to be wealthier than the entire Middle East. The small insignificant thing I asked for... came bloody true. Torn by the fear that I might lose my little insignificant thing and my grannies constant threat of 'if you eat beef now you will DIE!' I have stopped. Every day watching as people enjoy juicy steaks and I eat, well... nothing really compares does it? 

So I may not be the best judge of a good steak house. But don't worry, I took a carnivore with me. A man similar to me in size, and with a moderately distinguished palate. Known only as the DON. The DON was in town, doing DON like things and wanted a good manly meal. Where better to take Bangkok's news kid on the chopping block. 

Now in Thailand, most steak houses have "US Prime Matsusaka Marble 45736890 Angus" written beside their steaks. No one knows what the hell it means, most of the waiters can't even pronounce most of the words and when asked what they recommend, they usually look at the most expensive thing on the menu and point to lobster. 

So suprised then when I walked into this place, and found that the waiters were from the Philippines and the head captains were from Argentina (This is taking it a little far bringing in REAL Argentinians to add to the atmosphere). Their English was superb, and service was excellent. They gave us a nice counter style seat on a long table and we ordered. DON foolishly asked for a recommendation as I was prepared to go into fits of laughter, the guys said, "Rib eye sir, it's aged just right for this time. It's the dish our chef likes cooking best."

WHAT! That's not the most expensive.

"Chef likes cooking this the best." IF ever there was a line to help you make up your mind. It's this one. It's like when a woman says I would like to be on top, you lay down and enjoy the ride. No questions, no qualms and definitely not gonna have second thoughts. 

We ordered a few appetizers but first came the bread:

Beautifully warm and crispy with a cloud-like texture inside. It looked and tasted freshly baked and I would like to think that it was done by a true professional (You always judge a restaurant by its bread). 

The massive penis looking thing is an Argentinian sausage made with pork. This is why I say steak houses are not meant for women or the weak-hearted. When this dish came I was a little taken aback, not because I couldn't compare to it in size, but why didn't they just cut it into bite size pieces. The sausages was very nicely spiced. A bit too dry for my liking, but it was all meat. None of this 60% pure meat bull you get with other stuff. This was the real deal.

On to the right is an empanada. A traditionally South American dish, which is like an Indian samosa. This is the best empanada I have ever eaten. I have been to Argentina and Chile and this one is just delicious. Simple flavours, beautiful pastry. Crispy and yummie. It was elegance. I was a little worried about the plating though. Same salad on the penis as well as the empanada. 0 for creativity.

I painfully ordered lamb chops. Medium or 'rose' as they say in French. With 2 side dishes.

You can see my lamb, looks well, like lamb. When I touched it I knew it was over cooked so I was already in a bad mood. 

BUT look at that steak in the background! Pink and juicy. I had a touch with my fingers and I think I got goose bumps. The garnishes were nice. Mushrooms were cooked and seasoned well. The spinach was done very well. It looks like a lot of cream in the picture, but it was just right. 

My lamb, was well, over cooked. But hey, I'm also the moron who came to a steak house to eat lamb. I think however this was not the chef's fault. The meat is brought to you in heated trays, though a good idea to warm up meat that has been rested (trick to cooking any kind of meat is after its cooked you let it rest. This is so the juices will stay in and the meat relaxes from its taxing time in the oven. Cooking 101 people), this also means the meat will continue cooking. The beef was beautifully done. The DON has his meat medium rare, and it was spot on. 

Overall I think this is a wonderful place. I didn't want to leave. The staff were nice. The drinks were perfect. Nothing fancy. A real man's place. Good red wine, awesome beer selection and a few whiskeys for the pretentious. A very nice atmosphere and great produce. The prices seem a little high, but you will not even look at the bill after your meal. A good combination of a perfect steak house. 

I will be going back again. The DON. Well, don't be surprised if he buys the place.