Spasso

5 Star Nonsense 

Spasso

Hotel restaurants are always a hit or miss. The staff usually act like the owners of the hotel, sometimes even the owners of the whole chain. Quality of food is usually whats leftover for the lunch or dinner buffet. In saying that, in Thailand we do have some nice little gems. Where the hotel's style, service and quality does reflect in the individual restaurants. 

Hyatt however does not. 

Spasso, an Italian eatery frequented by rich desperate men and high-end prostitutes does sometimes on occasion have some food. Surprised one evening when my dad told me lets go for a meal there. Has age finally caught up with my dad that hes become delusional or worst has his midlife crisis hit at 60 and he wants to pick up?! Yikes!!! This is not going to be good. 

We entered and to my relief our family friends were there to join us for dinner. The atmosphere was not sleazy or shady. To my surprise rather nice, decor was of 5 star standard. as was the service. Everyone was nice, waiters knew the specials, were well versed in English, and could answer all my annoying questions. 

Spasso, I forgot to mention is an Italian restaurant. The menu was, well, in all honesty pretty basic. Your usual selections of pasta (not homemade even though their in a 5 star hotel) selection of fish meat and so on. The prices surprisingly were very reasonable. Less then 400bth for most pasta dishes, the most expensive meat dish was lamb at 1100bth which is not so bad considering where we were and compared to the prices around town.

I was told by my dad in our mother tongue (as not to offend our guest) that his friends would be paying so don't order so much.

"Fresh Crab Salad with Avocado and Lemon Segments"

This was the 'in' thing like... 5-8 years ago. An age old combination of flavors that always bring about some nostalgia, so why not.

However this is what came. 10 year old plate decoration and tin crab. YUP TINNED!!!!!

People who eat at local eateries that serve crab have the privilege of fresh crab. This is lazy, lazy, and just more lazy. 5 star hotels employ armies of assistants,  apprentices and trainees. I know because I used to be one. There is no excuses then for not using fresh.

Oh, did I forget to mention WE ARE IN THAILAND! Some of the BEST seafood in the world comes from here.

The crab was bland like tin crab usually is, the avocado was well avocado not treated or dressed in anything. The baby spinach on top had no dressing and looks wilted.

WHAT was going on?? Maybe hookers don't like seafood, so they don't put emphasis on it. The restaurant was packed, what on earth could people be coming back for?? Have faith, I said. Maybe this was not the chef's strong point.

"Pasta with Rock Lobster and Bisque Sauce"

Rock lobster is a restaurants way of going "HEY LOOK! We're sophisticated but we couldn't get the real stuff." In a country rich with some of the best seafood around using an ingredient like this rock lobster is being just funny. They should have had a guy selling moo ping and som tum as well on the side to add to the fiasco. Why settle for a mediocre ingredient when you can get the best, I KNOW! because the Hyatt buffet has rock lobster in its "seafood on ice" section. So guess where this came from!!! Ding Ding Ding thats right!

Pathetic.

NOW Italian restaurants, have to make pasta right; it is like a massage parlor with out a bathtub! Just unacceptable. Sadly here al dente here meant just not cooked. Bad enough this was some dried supermarket quality pasta, but not cooking it right was just a joke. I was ready to leave when I realized the meal was free, and my dad was already giving me looks for my grunting and over ordering.

While everyone ordered desert I realized I had ordered one more dish...Ooops

Rack of Lamb Rested on a Bed of Bok Choi and Potatoes.

WOW!! Now this was an EPIC disaster. If 2012 could be a dish - this would be it. To give credit to the Mayans I don't think they could have or even wanted to predict a disaster of this proportion.

The lamb HAD NO TASTE! Under-seasoning is one thing, just down right bland was another.

Then the bitter bok choi. Where do you start. Why would you put a vegetable that so bitter when you eat it, it shatters your taste buds like napalm.

Maybe that was the plan to counter the blandness of the food.

I mean the paring of these two is just comical. I get chefs trying to take a risk and usually you can have some understanding behind it, but THIS!!!! This is like giving a donkey lacy lingerie or telling Kim Kardashian to cover up! Just uncalled for.

I wanted to scream I was so upset. This is why, we pay a so much for these places, their in age old establishments (Hyatt Erawan hotel) and there is just no effort. If they were attempting El Bullis 35 course menu I would understand. Lamb chops, come on. They can pay the best, they probably have the best kitchen equipment in Bangkok if not the world.

AND THE PLACE IS PACKED! so they're not losing money. This is just a sign of someone who has given up and couldn't give a rats ass (pardon my French)

Sadly, we were not done. Our host insisted we had some desert. With my mouth only tasting bitter thanks to the chefs brilliance you could have given me roadkill excrement and I would have said "yum".

And they did. THE worst tiramisu on God's green earth aka road kill excrement was given to me. It tasted only of alcohol, I'm guessing so that you get drunk and forget the meal.

The hookers must be amazing, because I could never think of another reason why some one would eat here. Across me was a table of beautiful girls having their birthday there. WHY pick this place? McDonalds has better combinations of flavors  I blame people like this, who come and eat ever so often giving the chef a false sense of reality and confidence to put Bok Choi and lamb.

PEOPLE!! Wake up!! Stop teasing these incompetent cooks into thinking they are any good. Stop going, so someone with deserved talent can get the job and work in such an environment.